I've been excerpting Nobody's Bride for a while, but for the heck of it, I'm giving you six sentences from By Hook or By Crook, the comic contemporary romance I'm shopping around. (And by the way, I finally finished the first draft of Nobody's Bride and have been in revision mode all week. If anybody's interested in being a beta reader for my western historical with a tormented hero and a sassy heroine, let me know in the comments.)
Anyway, back to By Hook or By Crook. In this scene, hero Joe has just returned from a casino gaming floor. He's checking out heroine Ivy and contrasting her to the scantily clad women he saw in the casino:
Somehow
none of them had Ivy's elegant but very real sensuality, with her little heeled
sandals and her subdued dress. She had left her legs bare, and if he wasn't
mistaken, they had a slight sheen. He realized she'd caught him staring when
she cleared her throat.
"Are
your legs . . . sparkling?" he managed to ask, feeling like an idiot but wanting
to explain since he'd been caught leering.
"My
body lotion has a little bit of glitter in it," she said with a trace of
diffidence. For some reason, she didn't seem mad at having caught him staring.
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14 comments:
mmm very nicely set up for some really good tension building. Great six.
Great six. It feels like a slow build starting.
I don't think she was mad at all :) Nice six!!
I agree...I feel some great tension coming on. Very intriguing six. Good save on his part. ;)
I do like an observant man. ;) I see a great build-up here. Nice 6!
A man who notices the little things-- very nice! Great six!
Oooh, I love the dynamic here. LOVE that indifference (feigned or otherwise, lol). His reaction seems so natural, too. Great six!
Great six. The whiff of tension is there, and yet he sounds so like a guy.
Ooh-ooh. I know the reason!
Hey, who is going to get mad at that? It's compliment! ;D
That was a fun scene, and if I remember right, the ramping up of his sexual awareness of her...
Lol I love body glitter lotion! Great six, Linda.
This is fun -- and I laughed out loud at the word "sparkling", and his need to explain himself. Great snippet.
Thanks, everybody, for such great comments. I love Six Sentence Sundays -- they give me a chance to see what goes over well and what doesn't. I've gotten good responses to By Hook or By Crook whenever I've excerpted it and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for some good sales news soon!
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