Sunday, March 25, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday, March 25


A snippet from my WIP, a historical western, Nobody's Bride. My hero is a tortured Civil War vet who has moved to Texas to work in the cattle business. The inescapable violence of the world he lives in often triggers flashbacks to his worst combat experiences. In this scene, after he's shot a deer for venison and now must butcher it, my heroine Maddy starts to realize the extent of his problem. I'll be interested in your honest reaction. Does this kind of "weakness," for lack of a better word, make you think less of a hero?

"From the wagon, Maddy watched him walk toward the deer, knowing somehow he was in trouble. Reluctance had been etched in every line of his body as he'd prepared to drop the deer. He'd done it efficiently and without delay, but after the shot rang out, she realized what it had cost him.
Now that he'd done the deed, she could see the dread in him as he slowly made his way to the dead doe. And when he bent over and emptied the contents of his stomach, her heart ached for him.
Something awful had happened to him during the war. "

For more Six Sunday snippets, go here

7 comments:

Cate Masters said...

I liked his sensitive reaction to the deer. And her realization that it was much deeper than on the surface.

Wildcat's Wife said...

Wonderfully written. Being sensitive doesn't make someone (or your character) weak. Not at all.

angelaquarles.com said...

Good lord, no, it makes us feel closer to him! Not weak at all! I think you handled this really well and I like how she knows there's something more there...

patonlorraine said...

I like a hero who has depth and sensitivity and is obviously suffering from some emotional turmoil. It works for me! :)

Linda Morris said...

Glad to see that nobody was too put off by my flawed hero. I'm a little bit in love with him myself, but I didn't know if others would feel that way. Thanks for dropping by!

Silver James said...

Hi, Linda! I was out of pocket yesterday and I'm just now catching up to my SSS rounds. Personally, a flawed hero is much better than Mr. Perfect. A character needs an emotional arc to his/her story in order to be interesting and to give the reader something to cheer for and celebrate once the HEA is achieved. You handled the situation in this snippet very well. There's a lot of layering in those six sentences.

Gayle said...

I like heroes who have some vulnerability, otherwise they're unrealistic.

Great stuff!

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